But here it is: I am getting old.
Not "older," but actually old. I put water on the stove to boil for soup or something and am surprised by a sound coming from the kitchen. Good thing I can still hear. But that is changing as well. Witness the volume control going up up up when it is something I want to listen to well.
This is not the way I envisioned old age to be. I wanted to be a kind old lady. Sweet to everyone every minute of the day. Instead, I ache, somewhere on my body every minute of the day and sometimes night. Twenty-four hours a day is most likely on its way. Woe is me.
I've packed up all my panties and wear throw-away undies now. Have to. Urine leaks out day and night and I cannot pause it or stop it and hold it for later. Cannot be done.
Doing the simplest of chores has become a major event. Putting on my socks. Taking off my socks. Getting into and out of the bath. Washing and drying my hair. Cooking anything takes more effort than I have to give. And yet. Life is good. Could be and likely will be so much worse in the near future.
I don't climb stairs anymore, or go for walks. I have a handicap parking permit and use it often. The thing about all of this is: It seems to have come on suddenly. One day I was a spry 70-year-old and the next, a slow-moving irritable 79-year-old.
I buy tickets to an evening event and then find I cannot see well enough to drive at night, so stay home. This is not me. This is some strange entity living inside what used to be a youthful woman. I find myself looking forward to a daytime nap; my warm recliner; a quiet house. Loud noises and voices make me jump. Vibrant colors make me cringe. Skinny fast-moving people irritate the hell out of me.
Conversations going on in my midst puzzle me. USB ports and bits and bytes are confusing. And television is truly a vast wasteland. The jokes are too loud and vulgar; the music too jumpy; the drama too bloody and there is vomiting going on in the cartoons. Where am I?
I always said that when the world grew too strange for a person it was time for that person to get off the planet. I'm ready for the next page of my personal journal to commence. I just hope it is a smooth ride.
Christmas Day was yesterday. It came. We were content just to let it be. No big surprises. No surprise parties. We've contacted or been contacted by our children and grandchildren, or most of them. We feel fine just knowing they are happy and well. No big problems.
And now, today, January 8, 2018, I have written to the family. all the grandchildren, sons & wives, and sister to tell them about my heart valve problem. I will now continue my blog regarding this illness so the ones who want to read it can.
